It’s true , I’m a real catch
Posted on 12/20/2018 by Wirecutter
I got a proposal of marriage ( kinda sorta ) the other day.
I was in the Walmart parking lot behind a little old lady that stood about 4 feet nothing and she’s just creeping along towards her little SUV which was parked just this side of my truck. As she slowed down I gave her warning,
” Right behind you , ma’am ” because I didn’t want to startle the old bird. As old as she was , cardiac arrest was a real possibility and it’s too close to Christmas for that shit.
“ Oh ! My ! Well , I was hoping that I’d see a strong young man in the parking lot to help me heft this turkey ”.
She was looking me up and down and studying me. I figured she must be near blind if she thought I was either young or strong. Maybe that’s why she was looking at me so intently , wondering if she should wait for a better specimen.
“ I’d be proud to help you , ma’am. Hand me your keys and I’ll unload the rest of your cart , too.”
She was doing her shopping for her Christmas dinner – besides the turkey she had a dozen half gallon jugs of juice , a couple hams , potatoes , shit like that. Her cart was full to the point of overflowing.
“ Why , thank you , sonny ” she said as she handed me her keys . “ I’d be able to handle it myself but my back is all stove up. I was raking hay a couple months ago and when I climbed off the John Deere , that damned thing rolled back and pinned me. I been sore ever since. I’m 97 years old and I ain’t never been one of them doctor people , but I’m thinking maybe I better start going ”.
God , I love Southern women. I was laughing as I finished up.
“ Well , there you go , ma’am. Listen , if you’d like I can follow you home and unload for you. I ain’t in no hurry ”…
“ Thank you , but no. My grandson’s there ” … She looks me up and down again … “ You married ? ”…
“ Yes ma’am. That’s the only reason I ain’t made a pass at you yet ”.
“ God bless ya , sonny ” She was cackling away when she pulled out.
Source: Knuckledraggin My Life Away | Where Bad Choices Make Good Stories