12:28 P.M. A few good ones …

2018SnGigs

Someone missed an important letter here ! …

not-sure-I-want-that-sausage-650x563

Then there’s the trusted wisdom of the ancient Chinese found in fortune cookies …

The-early-bird-gets-the-worm-650x682

And just in case you haven’t figured out politics and big business yet …

ServiceExplain

SNGSignoff

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8:59 P.M. Good one from Mad Jack’s Shack …

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers ?… Well , here it is :

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time … Pancakes , ice cream , candy … Just him and his granddaughter …

One particular Saturday , however , he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily , his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast …

When they returned , the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed …

‘ Well , did you enjoy your ride with grandma ? ‘ he asked … ‘ Not really , PaPa , it was boring … We didn’t see a single asshole , queer , piece of shit , horse’s ass , socialist left-wing Obama lover , blind bastard , dip shit , Muslim camel humper , or son of a bitch anywhere we went ! … We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn’t have any fun ‘ …

Source: Mad Jack’s Shack: Joke Time: Unsafe at Any Speed

9:23 A.M. This is hilarious !!! …

I was perusing the news this morning , as per my usual routine , and came across this gem !!! … I found it quite amusing and could relate to ‘ shithouse luck ‘ of the situation ! …

The Fairmont Empress in Victoria has lifted its ban against Nick Burchill  … 17 years after dozens of seagulls trashed the Dartmouth , N.S., man’s hotel room while feasting on enough pepperoni to fill his suitcase …‘ I didn’t like the feeling of being banned from somewhere ‘ … Burchill said. ‘ So when I was out there last week for a different conference , I thought that I would approach The Empress and see if I could officially get my record cleared ‘ …

Burchill’s story began with good intentions. He was taking a small suitcase full of Brothers Pepperoni ,  widely requested Halifax delicacy , to some of his navy friends in the B.C. capital. ‘ It was a long flight , that time of the year where everyone travels , so the bag got lost , misplaced for a period of time ‘ said Burchill , who wrote a widely shared Facebook post about the ordeal. When the pepperoni finally arrived at the hotel , Burchill said he worried it would get warm because there was no fridge , so he laid the food out on a table near the window ledge and the chilly April air. ‘And that’s when things kind of went bad ‘ said Burchill. ‘ The seagulls were flying everywhere’ …

Burchill left the room for a few hours to take a walk. He returned to a room full of seagulls … ‘ I don’t mean just a couple of seagulls … I can only estimate how many there were ‘ he said … ‘ I’m thinking somewhere between 30 and 40 seagulls had come in through this open window while I was gone ‘ … And I would have never thought of that because the East Coast seagulls aren’t that brazen … They’d never come into a room or do that sort of thing … At least I did’t think they would ‘ …

The seagulls were startled when Burchill opened the door. He said many tried to leave through the small opening all at once ‘ … ‘ The seagulls were flying everywhere and they had been there for a long time eating Brothers TNT Pepperoni , so you can imagine what the room looked like even before I came back. And now we’ve got seagulls flying around , the curtains are falling down , the lamps are falling down … It was a real mess ‘… Complicating matters was the fact Burchill had just started his job three months earlier. His employer had booked the hotel and he needed to attend a dinner with customers. There were two seagulls left in the room and he had to get them out. ‘ One was just bouncing around on the windowsill and I was kind of losing my temper at this point , so I took off one of my shoes and I threw it in the direction of the seagull and both the seagull and the shoe went out the window ‘ he said. ‘ The last seagull , it was running around the room and this is a fairly large room , nice room  … Or it WAS ! … And I was chasing this seagull around … It had a big piece of pepperoni in its mouth and I could not get it to leave ‘ … Burchill said he ended up grabbing a towel from the washroom and he jumped the seagull , wrapped it in a towel and threw it out the window … He said the seagull was shaken but wasn’t hurt …

While everything was happening in his room , Burchill said there was a line of tourists out in front of the hotel and they witnessed both his shoe and the seagull wrapped in a towel falling from his room … ‘ I guess that made an impression on some people … It wasn’t very smooth ‘ said Burchill … He had to go downstairs to get the shoe and towel … He went back up into the room , where the smell of the birds and pepperoni was becoming more apparent … But he had to get to the dinner with customers , so he started to clean his shoe , which had fallen into some mud …

( Fairmont Empress front desk staff members were in stitches when Burchill explained why he had been banned from the hotel ) …

As he was drying the shoe with the hairdryer, the power went out in his room … At that point , Burchill said he ‘ realized I was way in over my head with this mess ‘  and called the front desk for help … ‘ They sent this poor lady up and I still remember the look on her face when she opened the door … ‘ She had her cleaning kit with her and it was quite clear that the kit that she had with her was not going to cover the damage and the mess that was in that room … Hotel staff moved Burchill to another room for the rest of his stay … Burchill said hotel staff were nice about the whole thing , but a letter was sent to his employer telling them he would no longer be allowed to stay at The Empress …

It was a decision Burchill said he respected and understood ( at the time ) … But he wanted to make amends , which led him back to the hotel last week. He asked to speak with the staff member who dealt with him the last time , but was told she was no longer an employee. ‘ When I was talking to the people at the desk and the manager , they did say that they had heard this story from a long-term employee that works there.

Rightly so , the management and staff presently employed at the Fairmont Wmpress have welcomed Burchill back and insisted that he come stay with them again … Why not ?!!! … That kind of a story deserves a free stay !!! …

SNGSignoff

 

Source: How seagulls, pepperoni got Dartmouth man banned from posh B.C. hotel | CBC News

8:01 P.M. Got a kick outta this one !!! …

Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year , and every year Ken would say ‘ Edna , I’d like to ride in that helicopter ‘ …

Edna always replied , ‘I know Ken , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks , and fifty bucks is fifty bucks ’ …

One year Ken and Edna went to the fair , and Ken said ‘ Edna , I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter , I might never get another chance’ …

To this , Edna replied , ‘ Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks , and fifty bucks is fifty bucks’ …

The pilot overheard the couple and said ‘ Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny ! … But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars ’ …

Ken and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers , but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again , but still not a word …

When they landed , the pilot turned to Ken and said ‘ By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out , but you didn’t … I’m impressed ! ‘…

Ken replied ‘ Well , to tell you the truth , I almost said something when Edna fell out , but you know , ‘ Fifty bucks is fifty bucks ! ’…

 

1:24 P.M. Ya gotta love freedom of speech !!! …

Found a chap out in Alberta that sounds around my age and favours the ‘ blunt ‘ approach to political correctness that I do !!! …

Filthie’s Thunderbox !!! …

Looks like our packie go lucky prime minster tripped over his dink again … Ol’ Turdo La Doo went to India , got his packies mixed up , and set off the locals. Years ago I worked in a diverse and vibrant shop  … We all self segregated where the packies ran one part, the chinks ran another , the arabs/Lebanese another … And us poor white fellas fit in where we could. In any event , over in the Packie Dept , we had an opening for another employee. The plant manager found the nearest brown fella with a pulse and parachuted him in to the company with his fellows. WW3 broke out !!! …  Apparently the one he hired was a hindu or a sihk and the others had a blood feud with this guy because of his tribe … And it ended badly with one of the vibrants going after another with a power drill ! … Ape kill ape … HAR HAR HAR ! …

But it was okay … Only whites can be racist , dontchya know. The offending mudflap was terminated for entirely politically correct reasons and replaced with another one of the right variety. Rest assured , no hatey racism was involved ! … 

Turdo La Doo did the same. In his haste to show how vibrant and virtuous he was … His retinue had too many of the wrong mudflaps in it and now the wogs have their panties in a twist and are pissed right off at Canada ! … Apparently one of ’em was an extremist mixed up with terrorism ! LOL !!! … I hope India will send their human trash somewhere else !!! That’ll learn us real good ! HAR HAR HAR!

Then he finishes off with one of my own frequent statements when engaged in this topic of conversation ;

We have enough trash of the home-grown variety ! …

Source: Filthie’s Thunderbox

6:12 P.M. Chuckle of the day …

Found these two quotes amusing …

There’s a great quip about George Bush Sr. that says he was ‘ born on third base and thought he hit a triple ‘ … 

Writing about Justin Timberlake’s lacklustre Super Bowl performance in the Globe and Mail , Denise Balkissoon said the singer had ‘ grown used to [his] mere existence being considered an achievement. ‘