2:30 P.M. Knuckledraggin My Life Away | Where Bad Choices Make Good Stories

Another good one from Ken ;

That’s why you always use your own donkey Posted on 08/04/2017 by Wirecutter SILOAM SPRINGS, Ark.

 A man was arrested after he was caught on surveillance camera having sex with a family’s pet donkey in Siloam Springs, according to an incident report. The Whitaker family called police at about 1:30 a.m. on Sunday, July 16, and said that a man was trespassing on their property and having sex with one of their pet donkeys.

MORE/VIDEO *****

Be sure and watch video and check out the female reporter trying to wing her way through the story – “Some viewers may find the content graphic…” Some viewers? You’re talking about somebody fucking ani… oh wait. Arkansas. I forgot. Then I’m wondering about the part at the end of the video where she says the donkeys were taken to the vet to be checked out. What the fuck for? If a donkey dick don’t tear that shit up, what makes them think their neighbor’s needle dick would? At least he didn’t grab their necks with his teeth. They probably should’ve just held on to their money there.

Source: Knuckledraggin My Life Away | Where Bad Choices Make Good Stories

7:51 P.M Do You Know How to Say Shit in Different Languages?

This is the translation of the word “shit” to over 80 other languages … Saying Shit in European Languages … Language Ways to say shit …

Albanian : mut … Basque : kaka : Belarusian : дзярмо ( Oh for shit’s sake !!! … GET A FUCKING ALPHABET !!! ) … Bosnian : sranje … Bulgarian : лайна ( You TOO  with the alphabet thing !!! ) … Catalan :  merda … Croatian : sranje … Czech : hovno … Danish : lort … Dutch : stront … Estonian : sitt … Finnish : paska … French : merde ( Always knew this one  ) … Galician : merda … German : Scheiße … Greek : σκατά … Hungarian : szar … Icelandic : skít … Irish : cac ( This is one I’ve used for DECADES !!! … Didn’t know it was Irish !!! … I’ll have to ask Danny at the Keltic about this one !!! ) … Italian : merda … Latvian : sūdi … Lithuanian : šūdas … Macedonian : срање ( AGAIN with symbols !!! ) … Maltese : shit ( HATS OFF to the Maltese !!! They say it the proper fucking way !!! ) … Norwegian : dritt … Polish : gówno … Portuguese merda … Romanian : rahat … Russian : дерьмо ( More bullshit ‘ glifficks ‘ … Serbian : говно … Slovak : hovno … Slovenian : sranje … Spanish : mierda … Swedish : skit ( Shit with a ‘ k’ ) … Ukrainian :лайно ( ENOUGH of the bullshit !!! ) … Welsh : cachu  … Yiddish : דרעק …

I’ll end with the Yiddish one …. Because that one is absolute SHIT !!! …

Source: Do You Know How to Say Shit in Different Languages?

10:11 A.M. Halifax woman gets unexpected apology, gift after attempted break-in …

An attempted break-in at a Halifax apartment resulted in an unexpected apology and a unique example of Nova Scotia kindness after a six-pack of Alexander Keith’s arrived on her doorstep. Caitlynne Hines said a drunk man attempted to enter her North End apartment on May 5 … He insisted a friend of his was staying at the apartment upstairs. After she sent him on his way, the man returned a few minutes later and attempted to pick the apartment’s lock. When that didn’t succeed, the man left again.

“We didn’t call the police, but we were prepared to if he came back again,” wrote Hines in a Facebook message to Global News. When she arrived at her home the next day, she found a six-pack of beer, along with a note, on her front door.

“It kind of clicked with me immediately once I recognized the box and I just said ‘oh my god I think it’s apology beer’ and we laughed for a good while over the note that was tucked inside,” wrote Hines.

The letter is signed by a man who identifies himself as Cliff, who said he hoped he didn’t make his friend upstairs look bad. “I sincerely apologize for waking you up and being so disorderly in the middle of the night,” Cliff wrote in the note …

beerapology

Methinks he realized he had a tad too much to drink that night !!! … But ya gotta love how the east coasters just laugh it all off the next day !!! …

Sept25Grin

Source: Halifax woman gets unexpected apology, gift after attempted break-in | Globalnews.ca

6:10 A.M. Another couple good ones from Knuckledraggin ‘ …

The above is quite an accurate perception … And the following is an entertaining tale that reminds me of my youth …

Ran that motherfucker over with the lawnmower, damn it. I’m all distressed. I’m not sure I killed him because he scooted off behind the gas cans, but his tongue was hanging out and he wasn’t looking real good. Pretty horizontal, you know? He was pretty pissed too. Toady Jones is/was my shed toad. He’s about the size of a Copenhagen can and is pretty damned sociable for a toad. Well, he was before I ran him over, anyways. But all last summer and fall whenever I opened the shed doors he’d be there kicking back in an open spot, not tripping a bit about me interrupting his slack time. Matter of fact, I’d be in there doing whatever I had to do and he’d never run off or try to take cover unless I nudged him if he was in the way. But today? Today he was an asshole and got himself fucked up for it. I was gassing up the mower and noticed him a few feet away and when I got ready to fire it up, I’ll be damned if Toady didn’t shuffle right under the deck. Is he fucking stupid or what? Fuck. I raised the deck and got down on my hands and knees and tried to chase him out with a stick but he wasn’t going for that shit. He wasn’t leaving the overhead cover of that deck to save his life, no pun intended. Finally, I got him back between the rear wheels so I fired up the mower and then got off and looked again to see if he moved because you know me, I believe All Lives Matter, right? He was in the same spot so I jumped in the seat and scooted out, checking behind me as I cleared the door. He was right where the right rear wheel would’ve been and looking pretty damned flat if you ask me. He didn’t appear to be more than a quarter inch thick, right? Sonofabitch, I done run poor Toady over. Fuck me with a great big stick. I jumped off and looked down and there he was laying there, tongue hanging out, deader than a doornail – or so I thought until I poked him with my finger at which point he hopped a couple hops, shot me an accusing look and scooted off behind the gas cans with his tongue still hanging out. He looked butt-hurt as hell, man. Can’t say that I blame him, I’d be pretty butt-hurt if somebody ran me over with a lawnmower too. I thought about chasing him down and rendering first aid until I realized that not only do I not know a fucking thing about what do do if the victim has been run down by a lawn tractor and it’s tongue is hanging out but I also don’t know a fucking thing about toads in general other than they eat bugs and shit. I’d probably do more harm than good I damned sure couldn’t take it to a vet. He’d look at me like I was crazy and then offer me 5 bucks for it so they could catch a hawg bass that couldn’t tell the difference between a frog and a toad. Pro Tip – If it’s swimming it’s a frog. If it’s drowning, it’s probably a toad. Then he’d call the local paper and say “Hey Jimmy John, you ain’t gonna believe this but…..” and the next thing I know I’d be The Macon County Chronicle’s main headline for the next three weeks. Motherfucker’s would laugh me out of the Tractor Supply and probably physically assault me at the Farmer’s Co-op.

Source: Knuckledraggin My Life Away | Where Bad Choices Make Good Stories

4:57 P.M. Another good one from Kenny …

When you look at it that way….. Posted on 03/11/2017 by Wirecutter Students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton …

They were asked to do a book report and contrast the 2 books …

One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories ! …

Titanic: Cost = $29.99

Clinton : Cost = $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read

Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.

Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.

Clinton : Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During the ordeal, Roses dress gets ruined.

Clinton : Ditto for Monica’s.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.

Clinton : Lets not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.

Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.

Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.

Clinton : Monica… Ooh, lets not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.

Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary; basically the same thing.

His professor gave him an A+

Source: Knuckledraggin My Life Away | Where Bad Choices Make Good Stories